for more articles
The Final Solution
|I run a blog
where I discuss the topic of the many games people play in the
dating arena. I've posted hundreds of articles, many of which
point out many of these troubles. Even if you haven't read the
blog, you probably are aware of some of these schemes. While I
wish it were easy to sum everything up into one neat, overlying
problem, it's not that simple. Let me point out just a few of
For one, there's a definite lack of respect in dating nowadays. People don't
even care about their partners enough to treat them as they
deserve to be treated. Gossip, ridiculously high expectations,
and rejections by ignorance are only some of the examples in
this area. Grandparents are always carrying on about how today's
generation has such a lack of respect. They talk about how, in
their day, people cared about others and banded together through
difficult problems. Why do they talk about these things? Because
they're right! Through every activity in which I've been
involved, I've encountered this problem. I'm tired of working
for a hundred hours on a video project when the president of the
organization receives but doesn't bother to even reply to your
E-Mails asking him to review it. I'm sick of being ostracized
from groups because I don't care to participate in their petty
disagreements. And I'm exhausted after people expect me to work
to death in volunteer organizations!
There are always exceptions to this rule, and I'm sure that there are many
people who do have a great deal of respect for both their peers
and their elders. Unfortunately, the majority, or at least the
majority with the most influence, simply don't care.
Second, nobody is honest with themselves, let alone anyone else. Dating has
turned into a torrent of backstabbing of which even Mark Burnett
would be proud. Asking someone out is nearly impossible, because
the gossip about it has already spread to a thousand people
before you make the move. Then, when a rejection occurs (even if
it's not rude), the rejector spreads rumors around to all
his/her friends that cause them to completely ignore you,
refusing to invite you to parties or even to initiate
conversations with you. The biggest insult is that even if you
asked point-blank, you'd still never get a truthful answer as to
why such harm was directed towards you.
As if what occurs after a rejection isn't enough, people attempt to steal
others' girl/boyfriends. One day, things are going well, and the
next you find yourself wondering what happened to the
relationship that was forming - that is, until you notice that
person spending a lot of time with who you thought was your best
friend. No explanation is offered, not even a "good-bye."
Third, people are not looking for someone who spends his or her time working
to get ahead instead of getting flat-out drunk, who doesn't
curse at or ignore his or her mate, and who actually makes time
for whatever is occurring between them (whether it be a
full-fledged relationship or just plain sex). They say they're
looking for these things, but in reality, they're attracted to
people with the attributes described above. "Confidence" is not
the answer to the equation. Assuming they both possess the same
level of "confidence," the above-described person would win
every time over the "warm, caring, and intelligent" (wo)man that
people claim is the ideal mate.
The list of problems goes on. You might be intrigued to hear that while the
problems seem innumerable, I propose they can all be rectified
with the simplest of solutions. There's no danger involved,
nobody has to lead radical changes, and it doesn't involve an
"impossible" fight against biology.
I simply propose for men to stop asking women out.
Not for the rest of your life, but for just a short time, say, a month. It's
not impossible, and you won't have to do it as much after the
month passes. While there are a few (rare) exceptions, the vast
majority of women don't ask out men 50% of the time. Women do
have the advantage in dating, and it's time to level the playing
field. Sure, talk with women as friends, and if someone
initiates a conversation with you, then definitely reciprocate.
However, let the woman ask you out if she's interested, no
matter how attractive she is to you.
Some women have never asked anyone out in their lives. It's no wonder why
these women continually treat men like they're lower beings. If
they had to put up with the rejections that most men do all the
time, I guarantee that they would have more respect for men.
Women would no longer put up with moving from guy to guy based
on who was interested in her at the moment. And spreading gossip
about potential romantic interests certainly isn't going to help
People need to realize that humans, for all their ancestry, are not monkeys
or horses or rabbits. They're humans, who can think and act for
Men have so much more capacity in the dating arena than constantly looking
for sex at all costs, if they would only exercise it. It's time
to stop being prisoners to so-called "biology." Women have the
same urges men do, and they should do half the work, not 10% or
There are a lot of "seduction communities" on the Internet that teach men
how to "seduce" women. I don't know of any similar organization
that teaches women how to impress men with the same fervor.
There's my proposal. I don't think it's hard to implement. Imagine if all
the men even at one corporation or university decided to ban
together. Laziness won't be a problem, becausenobody even has to
do anything. It's time to change our distorted culture. All I'm
suggesting is to promote equality. Is that such a bad thing?
About the author:
Steve Sokolowski is the editor of "Games are for Children"
(http://www.shoemakervillage.org/games), a dating blog that
implores people to rise above the pettiness present in today's
dating world. He can be reached at email@example.com.